Loving Yourself Through the Pain: 4 Ground-Rules to Healing

mama, in your sadness, you can still love yourself.

Loving yourself as you grieve your baby can be particularly challenging because there are so many challenging emotions wrapped in the experience.  Feelings of guilt, blame, shame, and unworthiness are common, separating us from love. Instead, we often beat ourselves up with the “what if’s” the “if only’s” and mean self-talk like “this is my fault” and “I am a failure.”

Would you talk to your best friend that way? Probably not.

Self-love is a key ingredient to making your way through grief, mama. Without it, we neglect our basic needs, create an environment that sabotages any efforts to heal, and we disempower ourselves at every step. So let’s fix that, shall we?

A few important ground rules to consider:

It all starts with self-compassion. 

Be gentle and kind to yourself during this difficult time. You’re not going to get it right all the time. Treat yourself as you would a good friend, with empathy and understanding, holding space for any emotion that needs to flow through. You are, after all, doing your best in an impossible situation. And whatever that looks like is enough.

Prioritize self-care. 

Make time for activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul. This can include things like gentle exercise, meditation, choosing a healthy snack option instead of a bucket of ice cream, or spending time with your loved ones or fur babies.

Get it all out. Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help you process your grief and practice self-love. No one ever needs to read it, including you; the magic is in the release.  Here are some prompts to get you started:

• What have I done recently to take care of myself?
• What activities make me feel the most nurtured and cared for?
• What positive qualities do I have that I can focus on during this difficult time?
• What are some affirmations I can say to myself during times of stress or sadness?
• What self-care practices have I neglected that I can prioritize now?
• What are some things I’m proud of myself for during this grieving process?

And if writing is not your thing, consider vlogging, creating something crafty, or visiting a rage room. Any healthy release of your emotions will go a long way in providing space for the Light to come in.

Finally, remember that grief is not linear.

You’re going to have good days, and bad. Heck, you might have a good minute and a bad minute back-to-back. That is all normal. Try your best to love yourself through it all.

By prioritizing your well-being and nurturing your body, mind, and soul, you are creating an environment where you can better heal and expand into the new version of yourself that is emerging.

And if you find that you’re struggling to offer yourself the self-love and compassion you need, reach out for support:

• Talk to a trusted friend or family member
• Seek the help of a therapist or counselor
• Connect with a grief support group
• Reach for an affirmation card. (I created a gentle yet powerful healing card deck just for you!)

And remember this affirmation from the Light in Loss Daily Healing Affirmations for Grieving Mamas card deck:

In my sadness, I still love myself.

In love, light, and healing,

Vera

xoxo