5 Supportive Messages for Young Children Grieving Baby Loss

In 2021, we lost our son, Hayes, unexpectedly to stillbirth at 37 weeks. My living children were 5 and 7 at the time, and I really struggled to support them through their grief – especially while I was barely able to manage my own. 

Although we did receive a children’s book from the hospital about stillbirth that validated the kids’ feelings, I found it lacking any sense of hope for a time when grief might not feel as heavy anymore. The book left us with the sense that “this is awful, you are right!” – but there were no meaningful strategies for healing.

As part of my own healing journey, I found yoga, studied mindfulness, deepened my understanding of grief theory and positive psychology, and began practicing nervous system regulation. These were the most supportive practices I found for myself, so I brought them home to my children as well. 

Spoiler alert: they worked for them, too! 

Naturally, I wanted to share these strategies with families like ours, so I set out to create a resource that would normalize the grief experience while also moving families toward healing in gentle, practical, and accessible ways. 

And so, over the last 13 months, Our Baby in Our Hearts: A Mindful Story of Grief & Healing, came to be. Through gentle storytelling, I shared these key 5 messages that grieving children and their families need to hear: 

• It is okay to be sad (it is common for children to try to hide their sadness from their parents because they don’t want to make their parents more sad)
• It is not their fault that their baby died or that others are sad (it is common for children to think they caused the baby’s death somehow, or to take it personally when their parents are sad)
• Feelings come in waves, both big and small, and grief doesn’t always feel this heavy
• Mindfulness practices can help big feeling waves grow smaller
• They are not alone

Sharing these messages within the context of my living children’s grief journey has been deeply personal and beautifully healing. I’m honestly in awe of it all.

Today, the eBook version of Our Baby in Our Hearts: A Mindful Story of Grief & Healing is officially on presale and I’d love it if you would take a look and share it with others who might find this resource valuable. (Paperback releases 2.15.24)

Preorder your eBook on Amazon here: https://a.co/d/8smQaBa 💛 

Vera V. Chapman, LPC, BCC, CYT