Why safe people can be medicine when everything is spinning

Friend, buckle up. It’s story time.

Do you remember my three baby koi: Yin, Yang, and Namaste? Well, they make me ridiculously happy.

But you know what doesn’t make me happy? The thick green string algae growing in the pond. So, I set out to fix that for them (me), using an algaecide that was advertised as fish-safe. But after I dumped it into the pond, I actually read the label (I know, I know)—and there it was, something along the lines of:

“Poisonous to all fish, plants, and mammals.”

Cue the panic.

Sheer, intense, deer-in-the-headlights panic. I started turning around in circles, musing, “What have I done???”

Now, you’ve got to understand that, as a rule, I don’t kill things. I just don’t think I have any business deciding what lives or dies. So this was not just a mistake; this triggered an existential crisis.

My brain wasn’t braining. So I did the only thing I could do: I found my husband. 😬 (Don’t you sometimes just feel like you need a grownup? Because you’re sure as hell not one?)

First, he responded with anger because I went rogue with poison. (Fair). But then he caught himself, and wrapped me in a big hug and the promise that we’d figure this out together. And we got to work.

So picture this scene: me, barefoot and knee-deep in the (poisonous!) water, frantically trying to catch those flighty little buggers – who, for some reason did not want to listen to my desperate pleas of “I’m trying to save your liiiives!!”. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Yup, plan A failed terribly.

So instead, we grabbed buckets and started scooping as much of the poisoned water out as we could, dumping it in our garden (sorry, plants). We scooped up over 250 gallons like two lunatics trying to save the Titanic. Oh, what a sight we must have been. 🤣

Then we added fresh water (which could also have killed them, but we were hedging our bets). And I sent all. the. Reiki.

Then, there was nothing else we could do.

Nothing but wait.

That surrender was haaard.

I checked on them 75 times a day for the next week.

And guess what… it worked! My sweet fishies lived!* 🙌🏻 It was a Christmas miracle.

As was my husband, the man who genuinely could not care less about these fish, dropping everything to help me. Because I cared. (I think I fell in love with him all over again in that moment.)

Sometimes, you just need someone safe to offer comfort when everything is spinning. For their nervous system to bring yours back into safety. That’s a process called co-regulation.

Bonus if they help you solve the problem, of course. But the true magic is in them staying present: calm enough to remind your body that it is safe. And that you are capable.

That is the medicine of positive relationships.

We aren’t meant to heal or carry hard things alone. Sometimes, the only way through is with someone beside us who can hold steady when we can’t.

This is why co-regulation is at the heart of every 1:1 session and every circle I offer. It’s not just what I teach. It’s what I do. It’s in the space I create and hold that allows you to remember that you can face this. 💛

In Love, Light, and healing,

P.S. – I felt a bit hesitant telling you about my fish drama when there are much bigger crises happening in the world right now. Ultimately, I landed on the goal of bringing a smile to your face today as you try to process it all. I hope it worked. 💛

Bonus photo: Yin, Yang, and Namaste, still swimming strong! 🙌🏻 And yup, we saved the damn algae, too. 🙃